Thursday, March 4, 2010

Things I never expected to need to know

When I graduated from college, I thought I was full of knowledge. I knew I needed other knowledge. But there are many things I have learned that I never, ever dreamed I'd need to know.
My maternal grandmother, a smart woman with a master's degree obtained from Columbia University during the 1920's, never learned how to cut up a chicken. Not that she couldn't learn. She just didn't learn - so she wouldn't ever have to do it.
I have continued in her tradition, sans the Columbia MA. I do not know how to operate a lawn mower or change the oil in my car. I never intend to have those skills. Oil change places are cheap and not messy for me. And the Stooges now cut the grass. (When Larry turned 10, DH bought a self-propelled mower and told Larry it was his. I said nothing. Hee.)  When the Stooges are no longer in residence (and please God, make this happen some day), I can hire a neighbor kid to cut the grass.  I never will cut it.

But I've been forced to learn some skills I never dreamed I'd need to have. I've learned a thing or two along the way. Some things I now know:
  • To cover a boy baby's parts as soon as you pull that diaper off. Freedon causes pee.
  • How to unclog a toilet. Ugh.
  • How to translating pidgin English instructions so that something that came in pieces may be put together.
  • How to dropper-feed baby mammels, like squirrels, kittens, and 'possums. Really.
  • How to install automatic home thermostats and other electrics. I have done this in two homes, thank you.
  • How to shop in a thrift store for fabric, not the clothing. Clothing is made of fabris, and sometimes you can get some nifty stuff from a cheap old prom dress for $2
  • How to install hardware in my computer. I'm actually pretty good with this. Not bad for a person with a liberal arts degree.
  • How to make my way up the food chain of customer service to find someone who will really fix my problem. Do NOT cross me when I am angry. The price may be your job.
  • How and when to get schools to enforce an IEP. Only necessary for certain instances, but gotta be done.
  • How to dicker on prices for cars, furniture, and real estate. I am much better at this than DH, who gets embarrassed by how tough I am. I once got a silver candelabra in at the Cacun market for under $50, and he was mortified.
  • When to be patient with the medical system and when to have a fit and shake some trees. My pediatrician is slow, but wonderful. But in certain other places, attention must be demanded.
  • A huge amount about medicines for colds, headache, bronchitis, ear infections, almost any minor illness. Drug to drug interactions, effacacy, dosage. I am a veritable cornucopia of medical knowledge.
  • How to read x-rays for minor fractures. Chips, separation at growth plate, outright breaks. I can do some with CT scans and MRIs too.  I guess that high school anatomy class had some value, huh?
  • When to call 911 and when to just take someone yourself.  And when the police need to come.
And my latest skill:
  • How to post a property bond to get someone out of jail! Doesn't everyone need to know that? There's more paper work than you think!

BTW - I can cut up a chicken.

In other news:

Curly is bored but feeling better.  I am making him shampoo carpets.

The damn snow is almost gone here.  My poor mother is so sick of it at her place in the mountains.  They have had 7 snow storms in 2010 alone.

She sent this Tuesday, saying "Deja vu all over again."  Her driveway and road are in this picture.

And clowns!  I found clown-like people everywhere!  (No bird-like folks, bb.)

Here's one at the grocery.  Mmmm, pretty.

And one today on the train.  If you look carefully, you will see that the top of his clown pants are about mid-thigh.  And where are his hands?  I don't think I really want to know.

My boss wants a pair of my MIUAYGA earrings.......


  1. Wow! That's quite a list. I would have to think about mine. I had a student in my class once doing what it appears that guy in your bottom picture is doing. There wasn't doubt about my student though!

  2. You have MAD SKILLZ, Woman!

    Do NOT mess with a Mom that knows how to get an IEP enforced!
    My classic line was "Yes, you may discontinue that service. As soon as you can PROVE to me that my child is now at, or above grade level in that area"

    The only other skill I share with you is the unclogging of the toilets. When we moved in, there were 3 plungers in the bathroom closet. Now we understand why!