Saturday, March 27, 2010

In which I take a stand

Things are somewhat different here at chez Crazy.  We are short one person.  Curly is not in residence.  And won't be for sometime - I don't know how long.  It is up to Curly

No, he's not in the pokey.  And he didn't exactly run away.  But he is not welcome here at the moment.

Curly's behavior has gone from bad to worse to intolerable.  He steals from every member of the household, and he has now started appearing with expensive merchandise and no possible way he could have paid for it.  He flaunts the house rules.  He's trying to break the rules at his school and get kicked out.  His behavior is very, very self destructive.

Curly has been diagnosed as being bipolar and he is strongly ADHD, but I think it is more than that.  I think he has borderline personality disorder.  His psychiatrist wants to have Curly's diagnosis re-evaluated too.

Thursday, I emailed Curly's psychologist about what was going on.  The psychologist called me (when Curly missed his appointment) and strongly recommended that Curly be hospitalized.  This is not the first time this recommendation has been made, and I've wanted to put him in a psychiatric facility for a while for inpatient therapy.  Curly's psychiatrist has made this recommendation too.  But this time DH agreed with the psychologist.

So I packed a bag for Curly and got his medicines.  I picked up his favorite fast food meal and went to pick him up from night school.  My intent was to take him directly to the psych facility.  The hospital is about 20 miles away.

Unfortunately, we didn't make it.  Curly asked me what was going on, and I told him (after some fudging) that his psychologist had recommended he be hospitalized and that's where we were going.  There was a small explosion in the back of the car (I had turned on the child-proof locks so he couldn't bolt that way).  Then I had to slow down for a red light - and he climbed over the front seat and went out the passenger door.  And he was gone into the night.

We haven't seen him since.

I called the cops, but there's not much they can do since he'll  be 18 in two months.  Curly started texting me almost immediately, saying he wouldn't go to the psych place.  He's been there before.  And it's a good and helpful facility. But he sees it as jail..

Both DH and I have let Curly know that he cannot live at home until he spends time in the hospital and gets treatment.  He must change in a substantial way.  And we mean this - we changed the locks on the house.

Curly has few if any friends now, as his behavior has alienated everyone.  He's staying with someone associated with a Pentecostal church.  We left clothes on the front porch, which he's retrieved.  His medicine is still sitting on the porch.  I've spoken to folks at the church and let them know all that is going on with Curly.  They're letting him stay for a couple of days to cool off, but they're telling him he must go home and "submit" to his parents. 

I didn't sleep much Thursday night. 

But I am turning this over.  It is out of my hands.  I am a good parent and I've done what I could for him.  I will help Curly, but I will no longer be abused by him.

I pray that Curly finds the strength to do the right thing and get help.

And I slept long and well last night.  I am hopeful.  After all, it is spring, the time when the world is renewed.  Anything is possible.


  1. Oh hon! I am so sorry about all of this heartbreak with your son. I cannot imagine what that would be like. I am praying that the folks at the church can convince him that he needs this help. He sounds a lot like my dad! I'm glad that you are trying to help him at this early age. Perhaps if there had been intervention in my dad's life things would have been different.
    The brain is a mysterious thing. I wish we could get in there and just turn the switches to the right settings.
    I have been stressed over our moms' situations, but this is so much worse.
    I'm glad you are not blaming yourself. You are a great mom. That is evident from all you have done to bend over backwards to help Curly.
    Tough Love probably is the answer for you and him. He has to take his meds, but as you said he is almost 18 and you can't force him. It's sad that he doesn't understand how much better he would feel, and how much better his life could be if he would just take them, and if he would just do what you tell him to do.
    I am praying that you can stay strong and get through this without too much heartache.

  2. Huge hugs to you! You did the hardest but the right thing for Curly. Stay strong and pray that Curly will choose his path with God's grace and serenity.

  3. I am keeping your whole family in my prayers. You really need them now. Many hugs.

  4. Thoughts and prayers are with you and yours! ((((hug))))

    I was looking at your pictures and I wanted to ask you about the pic that the tatted piece is on a 'hair bun'. Could you tell me where I may find this, or the pattern. Thank you.

  5. I pray for you and your family.

  6. I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. I wish there was a way you could convince him to be hospitalized until he is stable.
    I'll keep you all in my thoughts.

  7. What an awful thing to have to go through -- hang tough, though, you did the right thing for him and for the rest of your family. We'll keep you and yours in our prayers.

  8. You and your family have been in my prayers the last few months. I will continue.

  9. Keep your sanity and hopefully all will come right in the end.
    No one said that life would be easy.

  10. Not knowing where Curly is must be so worrying. I hope he will seek help. The daffs are beautiful as you say Spring is in the air and new hope. I really feel for you as a mother.

  11. You have my heartfelt prayers.

  12. Thank you all very your support - it means so much. This is in God's hands now...

  13. I just said a prayer of support for you and for Curly! Gosh how hard for everyone! I feel for you and I feel for him as someone who has challenges. What else can you do? No you cannot continue to let him abuse you!
    God bless you and yours!
    ~TattingChic ♥

    Come on over and join my giveaway if you want to (if you have the time and energy)

  14. You give me strength.

    God bless.