Thursday, September 16, 2010

In which I am kinda blah

Another day, another dollar. Or something like that.

Today the sky had some pink fluffies I could see before I hit the interstate this morning.

But then the big yellow ball came out. And it scared most of the other folks driving. Traffic was not good.  Why, people, why? The big yellow ball is a familiar sight. You've seen it before. Use sunglasses and your visor, for heavens sake. Don't become hypnotized and block traffic!

Today was kind of a yuck day. Lots of running around at work. I received my annual review from my boss, which was, in all fairness, an excellent review. I didn't get dinged on anything and received superior ratings. Too bad it is meaningless - because this year, like last, there will be no raise for anyone at my company. Work minions, work; be grateful you have jobs! And in truth, I am grateful. I have many friends who have been unemployed a long time. But it would be nice to get a little more money.....

A friend of mine sent me some very funny sayings.  These are paraprosdokian sentences. A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. (Whew!)  Here's a few that make me laugh:

  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  • If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  • Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

I was sorry to see that legendary journalist Edwin Newman has died. There is a wonderful obituary for him here and a charming memory here. One paragraph in the obit made me laugh out loud - and he probably would have laughed too.

Among the sins that set Mr. Newman’s teeth articulately on edge were these: all jargon; idiosyncratic spellings like “Amtrak”; the non-adverbial use of “hopefully” (he was said to have had a sign in his office reading, “Abandon ‘Hopefully’ All Ye Who Enter Here”); “y’know” as a conversational stopgap; a passel of prefixes and suffixes (“de-,” “non-,” “un-,” “-ize,” “-wise” and “-ee”); and using a preposition to end a sentence with.


I still have not eaten my Belgian chocolate.  I am saving it for a Very Sad Time. And that is not today, thank heavens.

I'm looking forward to the weekend because we will have two, count 'em, two children gone for the weekend! Moe is going camping with his boy scout troop and Curly is going to visit some friends. We don't see much of Larry, so DH and I can be empty nesters for the weekend. I called DH this afternoon and told him we need to go on a date on Saturday night. Maybe a movie.... Any suggestions?


  1. Ooooh, nice. Date night with DH!
    Hope you find something both of you will enjoy.
    Don't have any good suggestions as The Best Husband and I think that hanging out at the bookstore (chain, independent, or used) is really cool; or going to see an art film or foreign film; or going to the museum; or hanging out at Lake Park, sitting on the swing holding hands, watching the waterfowl. We are boring "old folk" people. But being empty nesters ROCKS!!!
    Hopefully, you will get other comments with wonderful suggestions.
    Have a great weekend!

  2. paraprosdokian! I love it.

    Happy Belated Birthday!

  3. I was enjoying this post until I came to the bit about saving the chocolate - now you have me worried about the Sad Time that is to come! Love the sentences, that will be fun!

  4. •The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

    I can't begin to tell you how that made me laugh.

    Thank you.

  5. Have a nice quiet weekend! I want to see Easy A...
    that quote, "The last thing I want to do..." never heard it before and boy did it make me smile!

  6. Your posts are informative, as well as quite amusing.

    I had no idea Mr. Newman was that old! I hadn't realized how long ago he retired! I'm afraid there are few "Keepers of the Flame" left, as guardians of the English language.

    When I read about your working life, I'm so glad DH and I are retired!

    I'm amazed that was a grocery store cake! I've never seen one like it! (I'll have to check out our own store!) And Maureen's candle story is astounding!

    I'm glad your other kitties still love you!