A Christmas story. And yes, this really happened.

On Christmas of about 1990, my then husband and I were celebrating at our home with our 2 year old, just the three of us. I was handed a present from my MIL and started opening it. 

Now my MIL is petite, trim and athletic, and I am quite chunky and a klutz. My MIL had, um, "endeared" herself to me in an early meeting with her when she asked me helpfully (in front of all her friends and family) oh when was I planning to have breast reduction surgery, hmm? 

My mouth hung open for a bit as this was something I had never contemplated. 

Diplomacy and subtlety were not my MIL's virtues. She had permanent foot in mouth disease. 

Anyhow, I opened up this heavy package and found it contained an unbelievably horrid gift. It was Miss Piggy scales - the kind you weigh yourself with. It was pink and purple and plasticky and Miss Piggy's eyes closed when you stepped on her face, so as not to look up your skirt.

Dear lord in heaven, it was awful. 

I was appalled. I was speechless. I didn't know what to say when this woman was making an obvious comment on my weight in such a tasteless manner. My husband roared. 

I did not acknowledge the present, and Miss Piggy was put into the attic. I moved on. 

But wait - there's more! 

Years later I brought up Miss Piggy to a coworker when my company was having a White Elephant present game at Christmas. I thought she'd be perfect! So I got Miss Piggy out of the attic. 

"I wonder if Miss Piggy is in good shape?" thought I. The box had not been opened by me on that long ago Christmas, as I was consumed by the horror of the original present opening.

So I opened the box up and safe and sound, out slid Miss Piggy... 

Along with birthday cards addressed to my MIL. 

Yes, dear reader, she had REGIFTED Miss Piggy to me! 

My MIL was cheap and had regifted items before, but this was so brazen it made the story worthwhile! 

BWAAHAHAHAHA! 

Miss Piggy went on to find a home with a hapless coworker. 

Sans the birthday cards. Those I just couldn't inflict on someone else. 

HO HO HO!!!

 

Some bargains

Still tatting the necklace - all stars are done, working on split rings.

I am a major tightwad, so I relish being able to find a bargain. I found two!

The first is a great tower fan. I found this at the grocery store Aldi. Seriously, at Aldi, for $19.99 USD. I now have two. The fan oscillates and has a timer, and it's not loud. A fan is essential in Hotlanta.

And I found a terrific portable Ott-Lite for the same price! $19.99 at, of all places, Office Depot! Yes, at an office supply store - who knew? It's more expensive online at $21.99, but still a good buy.

It weighs a pound and a half. It's coming everywhere with me. I lurve it.

And finally..

A lovely video of sweet lion cubs and their keeper. Awww.

Tidbits from my trip to Tat Days 2010

There were other little fun things about my trip last weekend I'd like to share.  I love odd signs and details.  I know, I'm weird.

First of all, the conference was in Toccoa, GA. If that doesn't mean anything to you, then maybe you haven't seen the great mini-series "Band of Brothers". This is where the real band of brothers - the 506th Parachute Infantry Division of the US Army's 101st Airborne - trained before they went off to fight in WWII. They ran up Currahee Mountain in their training, and shouted "Currahee" when going into battle. To get to the conference, we had to go down Currahee Street.  I think next year that the tatting spouses may make a journey to the camp.

Toccoa is largely a farming community, in Stephens County GA.  Don't you forget it.

If you lived in Toccoa and perhaps owned a mobile home, you could live here, in the Covered Wagon Mobile Home Community (Rentals available).

Your children would go to the Stephens County High School and be Indians.  I saw signs with this SC arrowhead logo all over town.

You might pick up some clothes at Brenda's, For Much Le$$.

Need some pillows?  You can get them here too.  I hope they are not stuffed with hay.

And you can drive off to the next big town, Anderson SC, to go skating and to the mall. This is one of a pair of these giant skates in front of Skateland, which amused me mightily.  The skates are painted white on the other side, and look carefully - this is a working vehicle!  There are two seats and a steering wheel.  I wonder where one would drive giant skates?  Who would insure them?  Can you go backwards in a circle?  Hmmm...

In our home, I laughed at a sign Moe made.  He used the label maker to put a sign on his door - "Caution: Extreme Awesomeness"!

I am celebrating Labor Day by doing as little as possible.  Sleeping in tomorrow is the first order of business.  What are you doing on a day off?

Summer pretties

Some summer eye candy.

Lilies and roses in a neighbor's yard.

Crepe myrtles are blooming all over. This is just one of the colors they come in.

A pasture I pass daily. This painted mare and her foal foal frolic here.  I love to see them!

I had a kick-ass day at work today.  I mean, I busted my tail.  A lot of work got done.  I'm quite pleased with myself for the amount I got accomplished in deploying 25 laptops.  I don't do hardware as a rule, but this had to be individually to get the setup for the software right.  I'm usually a big system gal, so this was a stretch for me.

Of course, I'm doing this with tons of little tiny scratches from the Bad Kitten, who now may be called Vader.  Vader's claws should be registered weapon.

And now for something completely different...

Am I the only person who finds something really hilarious about these side effects for this drugs to, um, enhance a guy's junk in the moment of passion?  I keep seeing ads for this drug, and these side effects are prominently mentioned.

I know.  I'm warped. I can't help myself.  Of course, this article may prove me right.

Ten things that are deeply wrong with me

This meme is stolen from Jen (OMG you should see her knitting!), Blackbird, and Badger. I recommend them all.

1. I like Flannel Sheets. By this, I mean that I use flannel sheets on my bed all year round. DH does not object. I do this despite the fact that I live in Hotlanta. Air conditioning is a wonderful thing.

2. While we have a dog (and she really is a sweet dog), I don't like dogs. I hate dog lick. I hate doggy smells. I don't wish to own a dog ever ever again. Oddly, I don't mind watching the Westminster Kennel Club dog show and can identify most breeds. I will always have a cat though.

3. I don't like coffee. Really. Smells great, tastes nasty.

4. I like to turn up the volume on the music and sing harmony to everything when I'm in the car alone. Loudly.

5. I also don't like peaches, okra in any form (except fried), and raw tomatoes, except in salsa. Not sure why - it may be a texture thing. Okra is really slimy. Stewed tomatoes and okra makes me gag. The sole exception to this is if I am served a plate with any of these items at someone's home. Then I will politely eat one. Because my momma raised me to be a lady, and I don't wish to offend.

6. I will fart and fan the covers unabashedly in my own bed. And if it's stinky, I can't stop laughing. I shake the bed. This proves that I am not a lady, at least not where flatulence is concerned. My momma must be so ashamed.

7. Too much chocolate makes me fart. Mmmm, chocolate.

8. I am a news junkie. I scour many news sources every day. NY Times, CNN, Washington Post, my own crappy paper, TV sites, you name it. Gotta have it.

9. I like a good dirty or off-color joke. Fun is fun. I am known for my wicked sense of humor.

10. I think God must have had a great sense of humor. After all, He invented men, who have that weird fleshy appendage and not much sense.

In other news, my MIL went home today. Alive and undamaged. Thank you, Jeebus.